Getting Older

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  • Getting Older


    Most of these have been around the internet many times. But, still funny IF you are that certain age:



    CALL THE POLICE - WHEN YOU'RE OLD, AND YOU DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
    George Phillips, an elderly man from Walled Lake, Michigan, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turnoff the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?"
    He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me.
    Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy, you should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available"
    George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30.
    Then he phoned the police again.
    "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people
    stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about
    them now because I just shot and killed them both; the dogs are eating them right now," and he hung up.
    Within five minutes, six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire
    Trucks, a Paramedic and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed.
    One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!"
    George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" (True Story)
    Don't mess with old people!

    A few chuckles for seniors.
    GETTING
    OLDER
    A distraught senior citizen phoned
    her doctor's office. "Is
    it true," she wanted to know,
    "that the medication you
    prescribed has to be taken
    for the rest of my life?"
    "'Yes, I'm afraid so,"' the doctor told
    her. There was a moment of silence
    before the senior lady replied,
    "I'm wondering, then, just
    how serious is my condition
    because this prescription is
    marked 'NO REFILLS'.."
    ***********************
    An older gentleman was on the operating
    table awaiting surgery and he insisted that his son,
    a renowned surgeon, perform the operation.
    As he was about to get the anesthesia, he
    asked to speak to his son.
    "Yes, Dad, what is it?"
    "Don't be nervous, son; do your best, and
    just remember, if it doesn't go well, if
    something happens to me, your mother
    is going to come and live
    with you and your wife...."
    ( I LOVE THIS !)
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
    Aging: Eventually you will reach a point
    when you stop lying about your age and
    start bragging about it. This is so true.
    I love to hear them say "you
    don't look that old."
    ---------------------------------
    The older we get, the fewer
    things seem worth waiting in line
    for. (Mostly because we forgot why we
    were waiting in line in the first place !!)
    ---------------------------------
    Some people try to turn back their
    odometers. Not me! I want people to know why I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of the
    roads weren't paved, or maintained!
    ********************
    When you are dissatisfied and
    would like to go back to youth, think of Algebra.
    -------------------------------
    One of the many things no one tells you about aging
    is that it is such a nice change from being young.
    ~~~~~~~~~~~
    Ah, being young is beautiful, but being
    old is comfortable.
    *********
    First you forget names, then you forget faces.
    Then you forget to pull up your zipper... it's worse
    when you forget to pull it down.
    ````````````````
    Two guys, one old, one young, are pushing their carts around
    Wal-Mart when they collide. The old guy says to the young
    guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I
    guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
    The young guy says, "That's OK, it's a coincidence.
    I'm looking for my wife, too... I can't find her and I'm getting a
    little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe I can
    help you find her... what does she look like?"
    The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs. old, tall,
    with red hair, blue eyes, is buxom...wearing no bra,
    long legs, and is wearing short shorts. What
    does your wife look like?' To which the old guy says,
    "Doesn't matter, --- let's look for yours."
    (ADORABLE)
    *********************
    (And this final one especially for me,)
    "Lord, keep Your arm around my
    shoulder and Your hand over my mouth!"
    ************************
    Now, if you feel this doesn't apply to you . . stick around awhile . . . it will!

  • #2
    Three old guys walking down the beach
    1st old fart: "Windy, en’it?"
    2nd old fart: "No it’s not, it’s Thursday."
    3rd old fart: "So am I. Let’s go and ’ave a drink!"

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